Three months had passed since our break up. I thought I was going to die because of the pain that keeps stabbing my heart everyday. I thought I wasn't going to make it, that I will never be better again but as what I can see now, I'm getting better and somehow, I can smile from my heart already ad can sing a long with some musics sometimes. I am happy I'm slowly taking the step to free myself from the dungeon of sadness which I thought I can't get out from.
Pray indeed does help a lot. When you entrust your all to Him, He will help you overcome the things which you thought you couldn't overcome alone.
Sometimes I can't help but think, 'WHY?' Why now that I'm ready and determined to have her for keeps, forever, just like what she wanted before when she was still courting me? But everything has a reason. As what 'Kung Fu Panda movie' taught me, 'there are no accidents and coincidence'. Everything happens for a reason and I think what happened to me has helped me become a better person for myself and for the future relationship I might, WILL, happily have.
God I miss her again. Darn it!
I know I haven't really moved on completely. I still love her and it still hurts when I reminisce those happy moments when we were together and how we used to be so in love with each other. I still can't imagine myself going to G Mall alone because there are countless wonderful memories there that we once shared together. I can't still read again some messages she once sent me, those promises of 'forever love and togetherness', and I still don't want to hear some of those songs of love and happiness she once dedicated to me, it still pains me. There's something inside me that can't come out yet, something really HEAVY...but I'm not in a hurry. I can wait 'till I finally get there.
My friend once told me, "Your happiness should come from the other person's happiness." So if you can be happy without me, then in time I might find the happiness of not being with her anymore.
I am somehow thankful for what she recently did. Because of it, I decided to really start and try my best letting things go. I did everything I could but still it didn't work out. What I have seen of her was that she's better off without me in her life now. If she can do it alone, then why can't I? It's time to let good things go and start living a new life alone. I know that road I'm going to take is painful and it isn't easy but this is what she wants after all... And if she will want me back in the future (well, that, I don't really know), she will find a way to be with me and fate will give way for us to get back together...HAPPILY. But if not, then there's nothing more for me to do to make it happen if we're really bound to be separated forever. I already did my part so I guess there's nothing left for me to regret about not trying my all.
Whatever had happened to me, this I'm sure will lead me to where I should be.
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